Is it the 'homo' or the 'sexuality'?

The problem I have with public issues of sexuality:

I recoil from liberal discourse on the topic

but am not conventionally conservative

I feel uncomfortable with the focus on gay rights

but not because I am against them

and I am anti-abortion

but don't feel it is my place to step in to protect unborn babies

but is rather to mourn, and perhaps to speak from my heart, where God gives me opportunity

But moreover, I am angered by the assumption

that I must "have" a position on these topics

These particularly political issues

are raised against a backdrop of non-controversial,

commonplace obscenity

in every commercial, movie and television plot;

there is a dominant discourse in which sexuality occupies center stage

in the sphere of human relations

while I feel that it should rather be something respected, treated as sacred,

and respectfully hidden from view.

Our kids should be well-protected from their parents' sexuality

and friends and neighbors should not be exposed to sexually-suggestive behavior of couples

Rather, we should be able to relate in human ways, from places of our heart

And sexuality should be expressed, celebrated, privately - so it does not need to be repressed

But simply kept in the bounds God designed it to be

We are an oversexed culture

We have no bearing about how to solve the problems of gay rights and abortion

But perhaps we can see that these "problems" are created when sexuality itself leaves the bedroom

And parades on the street

The trend toward everybody's sexuality

Being everybody's business

Creates the problems we cannot solve

The liberal emphasis on liberating sexuality

is one ingredient to the problem;

The conservative audacity to violate what God relegated to the privacy of couples, and committed communities at best,

is the other, reactionary at best.

Both are to blame, and neither is right

More modesty is needed all around,

built on humility

of our own confusion, flawedness, and brokenness

Adam and Eve's problem, recorded in the bible

should be suggestive enough

that we all are going to be confused around sex

None of us has the place to parade sex around,

Neither our personal sexuality, nor our positions on it.

Parents, humbled by their own struggles, and helped by God,

should introduce children to what they need to know, when the time is right

Couples should further explore sexuality together

Only when already committed to each other for life

And seek guidance from elders, and other committed couples,

Once sex has been put in its proper place:

Not the central issue, not an issue on its own,

but one mysterious dimension of human relationship and existence

of which our proper and most healthy priorities and boundaries

have already lovingly been described by God

God's way of treating each other, regarding each other,

Checking ourselves and living in obedience to Him

Must be the first and far more important emphasis,

and aspect of life to be explored and practiced

long before anything about sex is discussed or explored

This is the only way out of the mess

This is the only hope for surviving the confusion

Our particular brokenness must be discovered, confessed, allowed to convict,

and shared in living relationship with God

and then we will be shown what to do with the rest

Afterthought:

Churches should boldly address impropriety, or the desacralization of sex

But only in the context of their charge of shepherding their flocks,

Not as a weapon to wield in general, irresponsibly, doing the same damage

as the impersonal, generalized liberal portrayal of sex.

Thoughts, from an Abbot

My one audience with the abbot. I'd been thinking about what to ask him for at least a day and a half of my retreat.

On Thanksgiving day, I went in asking Father Meletios about how to deal with sadness, suffering, and preoccupation with doing things 'right' - so that I could be less self-absorbed, and experience true thankfulness.

[paraphrased per my memory]:

The way we look at it, in the Orthodox Church, would be that you are having a problem with your mind. There is nothing actually causing you suffering right now: you are relatively comfortable, have a roof over your head, by all rights you should be happy. 

The reason you are suffering, then, must be that your thoughts are creating that. We are amazing creatures of habit; you'll find that your current problem will disappear as soon as a bigger one comes along, but once that bigger one is cleared up, you will dredge up the first problem. 

We all experience this. What you may want to try is what we monks learn to do: ignore the thoughts, and focus on what is around you, at hand, in the present. Increase your awareness of the love of Christ. You replace the thoughts with the voice of God, which is always experienced in the present, in whatever form. 

One thing you'll notice is the thoughts are never about the present, they only deal with the past or future. 

The other thing you'll notice is that thoughts are always about one of two things: desire or fear. And both of them hurt. 

One practice that helps is centering your experience on your heart. Not your emotions, mind you, which are your body's reactions to thoughts, but the heart itself, which is always in the present. It shifts your life experience from centering around your thoughts to centering on your heart, and what you'll find is that operating truly from this place of love, there are no words for that. This is Christ living in you. You can have no thoughts when you're in that experience. 

Now I know very few people who can do this constantly - the thoughts come up for us all. Maybe the Saints could live this way. But for the rest of us, even monks, dealing with thoughts this way is a constant practice.

Father Meletios Weber, Abbot of the Monastery of St. John of Shanghai & San Francisco

context and consciousness

.

Much has been made of context in literary theory and academia over the last 30 years. Starting within cultural anthropology, anthropologists found that undecipherable behaviors in foreign cultures could often be understood by discovering the context within which the foreign actors understood their own actions. The concept has found its way through liberal academia and religious studies to bear traces of influence within more conservative religious circles, where "author intent," often inferred from cultural context, helps illuminate the words of Jesus and the epistle writers.

In none of these arenas, however, has the flexibility, variability, and significance of mental context been explored that fully, it seems, in terms of consciousness and our power of choice about how each human being chooses contexts which bear on his or her interpretations, decisions, and understanding.

1.0 while aspects of real context are given and fixed at a given time (ie where I live, how much money I have, what my friends and family thought or did growing up, what are the social topics and economic conditions of today), our mental context is chosen and very much within our ability to influence.

1.0.1 for example, the friends I have are an aspect of my real context, based both on factors outside my control (the pool of available friends) and factors in my control (how much effort I have put into pursuing friendships)

1.0.2 the presence of friends in my life has no bearing on whether I live my life in the mental context of "what other people think."

1.1 I may or may not be in a romantic relationship, but whether I am has little necessarily to do with whether I live my life in the context of a relationship.

1.1.1 for example, a person may have committed to a relationship, yet to refuse to consider that person when choosing who to associate with, look at, or how to spend his or her time.

1.1.2 at the same time, although I may not be in a relationship, my mind may waver between accepting the context of singlehood, or fantasizing about being in a relationship with a certain person. In the latter case, that person becomes part of the mental context in which I live my life - although I may have no actual contact with her.

1.1.3 the decision to marry, and "forsake all others," is a commitment to make your spouse not just a part of your physical context, but also your mental context - in which you will make all future decisions.

1.2 the degree to which I live in reality can be measured by how much my mental context incorporates my real context; ie people I interact with regularly, the circumstances limiting my life, the emotional burdens I experience, the ongoing challenges of dealing with my family, for example, etc.

1.2.1 to the degree that my mental context excludes aspects of my real context, I live in fantasy. It is possible, with certain entrenched mental contexts, to live in fantasy and avoid reality for an entire lifetime.

1.2.2 relationships based on reality must deal with the real context of what the other person brings and expresses, rather than mental contexts of fantasy about what I hope the other person to become, or what I imagine for the future.

2.0 spirituality always deals in context. In other words, it asks us to live our lives within the primary mental context of God. (or a set of spiritual laws, or an energy force, etc)

2.0.1 religions offer their mental contexts as superior alternatives to other mental contexts we can choose. Ie, Put on the new creation, Choose the way of Christ over the ways of the world, Live with fear of God.

2.0.2 religions - as they deal with what is not seen or tangible - often propose a hierarchy in which their mental contexts re-contextualize, rather than replace, other mental contexts. ie, you don't have to stop using money, having certain people in your life, or being a sexual creature -- but your decisions made and valuation within other mental contexts must now be made within the overarching mental context of God.

2.0.3 religions can be fantasy-based, to the degree that they ask us to abandon certain mental contexts, rather than simply subordinating them within the overarching mental context of God. Such requests reveal a lack of faith on the part of the 'believer,' and in the more extreme form of demands or rules, signify a cult.

2.1 Christianity's proposal within religions is that we shift our mental context from a set of laws or principles (even those which we may attribute to God) to living our lives in the context of an actual relationship with God.

2.1.1 prayer is an act of reconnecting to the mental context of relationship with God.

2.1.2 "praying without ceasing" can be understood as walking constantly within the mental context of relationship with God.

2.1.3 "making every thought captive to Christ" can be understood as recontextualizing every thought that arises within the context of relationship with Christ.

2.1.4 sola scriptura, as I understand it, seeks to emphasize the primacy of the context of God by enforcing the bible as the only mental context within which our decisions and perspective can be formed.

2.1.4.1 to the degree that it denies that God may pursue real relationship with us outside the context of the bible, sola scriptura is heretical.

2.2 meditation can be approached as a prolonged examination of one's shifting mental contexts.

3.0 addictions can be characterized in part by an inability to allow certain aspects of one's real context to enter his or her mental context

3.0.1 the substance, person, or habit that is the object of the addiction serves as the object on which to center one's mental context, so as to avoid other, undesired mental contexts

3.1 Trauma, abuse, or chaos experienced early in life can effect a domination of one's mental context, to the extent that one's ability to shift mental contexts may become impaired

3.1.1 The predictable character of this impairment is an inability to incorporate oneself into one's mental context.

3.1.1.1 Inability to take care of oneself or take responsibility for one's life as an adult are two results of the inability to incorporate oneself into one's mental context

3.1.1.2 Preoccupation with what others think and constant comparison to others are two workarounds people will use to ascertain their worth, when they cannot incorporate themselves into their own mental contexts (see 1.0.2)

3.1.2 The inability to incorporate oneself - by definition an aspect of real context - into one's mental context, must result in living in fantasy

3.1.2.1 It is also likely to result in addictive tendencies

3.1.3 Practice at incorporating the real contexts of one's life into our mental contexts is required to heal and grow past the effects of trauma, abuse, or chaos experienced early in life, and can be used to address addiction issues as well.

4.0 Mental contexts necessarily affect our energy.

4.0.1 What appears in our mental context can receive energy; what is outside of our mental context can receive no energy.

4.0.1.1 for example, Jesus' reminder 'Where your treasure is, there also your heart will be,' can be understood in terms of mental contexts. How we orient ourselves and what we answer to when making decisions gives our energy to those things, and reflects which mental contexts we give priority. Paying close attention to the mental contexts we adopt can reveal what we consider our treasure.

4.1.1 centering a mental context around a certain person orients our energy toward them and affects a connection, even without direct communication (see 1.1.2)

4.1.2 'praying without ceasing,' through affirming God as a stable part of our mental context, affects an energy connection facilitating the Holy Spirit to work in our lives - both miraculously, and as a guide present in our decision making within other, subordinate mental contexts. (see 2.1.2)

4.1.2.1 the kind of faith which can "move mountains" signifies a profound shift in mental context, beyond allowing God to bear on our pre-existing mental contexts, to the putting on of a God-centered mental context for which we have zero evidence or referents.

4.1.3 in the case of addictive tendencies, where we have an inability to incorporate certain aspects of our real context into our mental contexts, sending energy to these avoided mental contexts is not within our simple willpower. Our energy becomes bound within certain mental contexts we have evolved to avoid the unpleasant real contexts we are avoiding (see 3.0.1)

4.1.4 Mind-body practices, such as yoga, tai-chi, intense exercise, etc, temporarily center our mental context around the body, sapping energy from other mental contexts.

4.1.4.1 This can affect a sort of "reset," thus allowing the possibility of giving energy to alternative mental contexts.

4.1.4.2 Thus exercise - when done with consciousness of the body - can be an important tool in the process of overcoming addiction, obsession, and other chronic unhealthy mental context issues.

..more maybe to come..

.

Paleontology

.
One grieving, mourning moment
Codafied, crystallized, screaming torment
Boxed in the walled-in cold shape of my soul
Focusing here so I don't lose control
Paleontology digs in this moment
Scratching the surface so no one else owns it
Something that's true about stark contradiction
A need unacknowledged that bleeds in affliction
Who could've told of unthinkable shapes?
Who but myself with defenses agape?
Mortification cites ultimate being
Shapes that inscribe me are finally breathing

.

Where there's smoke, there's fire

Where there's smoke, there's fire
And fears mean a liar
But how many layers
Does it take to inspire

the truth? Comes in a place of love
How few of us rise above
Today's haunting demons to find them composed of

Our youth: when we learned to hurt ourself
Placing self love out of reach, on a shelf
The last book we study:
The hand we were dealt.

.

somehow, I agree with them both

all shall be well, all shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well. 

Julian of Norwich

all, dear reader, is not going to be fine. Even If we all agreed with the saints and the prophets, all would not be fine. For we would still be mortal, partial, suffering poor creatures, not very intelligent and never the authors of our best hope.

Wendell Berry

.

Well when you put it that way...

the government should only be big enough to annihilate any country and (If necessary) every country, to spy on its citizens and on other governments, to keep big secrets, and to see to the health and happiness of large corporations. A government thus reduced will be almost too small to notice and will require almost no taxes and spend almost no money.

Wendell Berry,  from"The joy of sales resistance" in Sex, Economy, Freedom, and Community

Soap bubble

Soap bubble,
Where did you come from?
You magically appeared
In the course of washing my hands
Taking care of something I needed to do
I looked up and you were there
To brighten my day
Your perfect roundness,
Colors shimmering on your surface
Despite this grey day
How did the breath
That keeps you alive and afloat
Get inside you?
Soap bubble
Where did you go?
I looked down for a moment
To fix something with the water and
Having been uplifted by your presence
Looked up to find you again
But you were gone
Vanished as unexpectedly as you appeared

How can something so vivid in front of us
In fact be so fragile?

impasse and dark night

Night in John of the Cross is the progressive purification and transformation of the human person through what we cherish or desire and through what gives us security and support. We are affected by darkness, therefore, where we are most deeply involved and committed, and in what we love and care for most. Love makes us vulnerable, and it is love itself and its development that precipitate darkness in oneself and in the 'other.'

from "Impasse and Dark Night" 

by Constance Fitzgerald, O.C.D., 

in Living With Apocalypse, Harper and Row, 1984.

Particulars or waves

So tenuous
Hanging by threads
We go through our ups and downs
But some dips there are no coming back from

The digestive tract didn't have to stop working
The chemo had given us such hope
She took this walk with me
Through the arboretum
Even though she was tired and had to sit down
We rode the wave for 15 months
But one too many days unable to keep liquids down
And we switched to TPN
She dipped too low
And now there is no coming back for her.

She didn't have to get cancer
But she did have to die someday
Would it have been any easier later? Maybe
But it would still have hurt a lot, just the same.

Just like I didn't have to make those particular bad decisions
That led to the end
But the problems behind it all
Had to come out eventually

Light sometimes behaves as a particle,
Other times as waves

Electrons, like reasons, exist in particular whenever we look for them,
But the rest of the time they are infinite waves, undulating in the background of space-time.

What exists, exists. What must happen must happen.
We just never know where, or how.

Dopelganger

All mythic creatures have their genesis in very real dynamics of human relationships and emotions. The dopelganger traditionally is a shapeshifter, a creature that can take on different forms or appearances for purposes of deceiving, escaping, or attacking a foe.
One mirror of the dopelganger in our lives is at the level of our unresolved emotions themselves. Lingering grief, bitterness, mistrust shows up in current relationships, having taken the form of our current partner or other relations. We can meet the familiar one in new people, picking up where we left off - but at the point of breakthrough, when we imagine a healing connection is made, then the veil is pierced and we find ourselves with a stranger; the familiar essence has moved on... we can fall into wandering after it.
Longing for intimacy lost with parents can be displaced into demands made on current relations. Anger can flare up out of proportion to the present. We fight the dopelganger, but in the midst of the attack, he slips away again, and we hurt those we never meant to.
In current relationships, as well as displaced unmet needs, there are seeds of truth from the present. Yet eventually, the truth of presence can shift into longing for aspects of a partner before not as prominent: a sincere heart in our beloved- after the dopelganger's brief appearance to peel back scars - becomes a phantom we can no longer access. The memory of something truly good becomes submerged in forms that never dominated in their presence before - such as physical longing amplified in absence. And again, we grasp at emptiness as the dopelganger hides his true identity from us.
Efforts to track down the original being, once lost, becomes a frustrating chase of life, as we seek to reconnect with the true identity of the shapeshifter.

On the path, we may encounter substances or passtimes the dopelganger temporarily inhabits. But as soon as we start to feel relief, he leaves that form as well, rendering it lifeless to us, and again our eyes scan the horizons for his new incarnation.
Inevitably, the chase leads us to unexpected destinations. Eventually, through frustration and desperation, we reach a place of hopelessness, of diminished searching, and we are forced to sit with all the longing, the angst, the anger and the grief. We sit alone, and through our patience, we find that the presence is with us. Somehow, without an object. We cannot see the dopelganger's form, but here he is, as present as the wind.
In our depths. Beneath our compulsions and resistance. He is with us. He has been with us all along. In ourselves, we find what we have been running toward. In ourselves, we find what we have been hiding from.
The dopelganger is in us. The dopelganger is with us. Traditionally, the only way to avoid the shifting of a dopelganger is to stay with him constantly. Look away not even for a moment, or he will escape, into another once again.
We must embrace that which is with us, in us, and not let go. The feelings we have that deserve validation; the pained circumstances which deserve mourning rather than action to change. When we leave the turbulent reality within ourselves for a second - when we look for a rescue, rather than calming the wild animal ourselves - then the shapeshifter slips away, leading us again on a chase that can last a lifetime... but which always arrives back with ourselves.

.

Quotes on patience

Above all, trust the slow work of the spirit.
We are quite naturally impatient in everything to reach the end without delay.
We should like to skip the intermediate stages.
We are impatient of being on the way to something unknown,
something new.
And yet it is the law of all progress
that it is made by passing through
some stages of instability--
and that it may take a very long time.

And so I think it is with you,
your ideas mature gradually--let them grow,
let them shape themselves, without undue haste.
Don't try to force them on,
as though you could be today what time
(that is to say, grace and circumstances
acting on your own good will)
will make of your tomorrow.

Who can say what this new spirit
gradually forming within you will be?
Give yourself the benefit of believing that the Spirit is leading you,
and accept the anxiety of felling yourself
in suspense and incomplete.

 

Pierre Teilhard de Chardin

Can you be patient unil the mud settles and the water is clear? 

Can you remain unmoving until the right action arises by itself?

Stephen Mitchell

kind of like Truth

The acorn falls to the cement.
The crow lands beside it.
He places one foot on the nut, and pecks at it with his nose.
He hears distant traffic and picks the large acorn up in his small beak. He looks around. Satisfied that the traffic is far away, he places the nut down and pecks at it some more, holding it steady with his right foot.
He wants what is inside. But it will take work to get to it.
He contemplates flying up and dropping it to the concrete again. But another crow swoops in from behind and lands near him.
He picks up the acorn and flies away.
He is not ready to share this prize.
Although he holds it now, he does not even know how to access it yet himself.

Every line a measured verse

Sky that moves each step I walk
Shy I left you yet I talk
Breath that deepens, anxious less
Losing fear of meaningless
Friends with distance as it should
Leaving always saying I would
Sad about the other things
worrying less tomorrow brings
Holding truer inner sense
Relax brewing recompense
Captivating but ignored
Sallow missing unexplored
Bitter grief on nightly rounds
Crying always newer sounds
More amazed with wider eyes
Clearer answers fewer lies

17 years

I spent exactly
17 years trying to be too good
Another 17 years rebelling against that and being bad, bitter, and lost
I think I may be finally ready to look for me

Origins

Today I am on a walk my parents took with me outside of the apartment I was born in. They swaddled me up in a ton of blankets and took me out into the Chicago winter.

On that short, one block walk to the lake shore park I imagine parents who were happy?... confused?... uncertain of what to feel or what would be expected.  Their little baby, going outside for the first time, one of the first things they attempted to do together as parents.  I of course just stared up at the bare tree branches a lot, and took it all in.

My father's experience inside must have been blocked, or conflicted, or incomplete somehow, maybe in ways he didn't realize, since he was already cheating on my mom by then.

Perhaps my mom did not know yet.   Her fantasy may have prevailed against the warning signs; or perhaps evidence of the truth pushed her further into denial, dissociation.

But they walked along. They were new parents.

My parents didn't anticipate that ultraviolet rays burn even in the cold. So I got a blistering sunburn on my face, at eight weeks old.

One of the first things they attempted to do together as parents.  And the result.

My grandma gave them hell for not thinking about that later.  Psychosoma: the overly sensitive area tingling on the right side of my face, returning to that same spot in the sun.

Venn diagram

All of the pain that was done to me
All that was robbed from me, that I never learned
About loving, about living in family, and real relationships
About being a child
About being wrong
And still being loved
About struggling as a man honestly, and accepting less than perfection
All the touch I never felt
And comfort I never received
These things I never knew that I never knew
And the tears I never cried
Belong in the first circle.

All the pain I have done
And continue to do
Which was only my fault
All the love that was rushed
By my angst of aloneness
All the good love starved of presence
By my anxiety of sitting still
All the trust I have shattered
And hearts I have dropped
Pain I have caused
Sincere promises I have failed at
Excuses i've given
And demeaning of myself;
Plus a future of only the same
Because I am "not healthy enough yet for a relationship"
And thus never yet have been
Even throughout attempting bonds
I thought could meet both our needs
These fill up the second circle

And I in my tears
Am in the intersection
Seeing for the first time both
Stricken by both
Mourning both

Mourning the loss
Of a self never known, and never presented

Of the holes in my heart
I have bled onto others
Staining what I wanted to keep

Of the irresponsibility
Of so many choices I have made
For wrong reasons, or simply at the wrong time

Of a hurt that is living today
Given birth through me
That my truest intentions cannot change
Because I in this state
Can create no other.

No child,
No family,
No true love
Only pain

What I was not handed
I cannot pass on
And never will be able to of my own power


So Abba you may decide
What miracle to grant me
For I am destroyed just as I destroy
And am no more
Than the splinters at my feet

Drum-making

I am an unfinished drum.


The barrel is life; the animal skin my soul.


Til now, if you strike me, you only get empty thuds, 
because my soul has not been stretched enough 
to cover the actual shape and size of life.


God is stretching my soul into the shape 
of the life he made me to fit.

growing uncertainty

words about my father's ways
sprouting beliefs about myself
a long time trying to heal her, heal myself
by mowing down any sign of the same within me
never hearing which parts were ok
never hearing parts truly wrong
just the seed of choking vines
thriving in the dark
withering in light

but night

when I am alone
not just in bed, but inside myself
thuderclouds of worry and fear
keep me locked inside
I have no raingear

for her tears

simply water the seeds
of what I'd believed:
father that I never had
i am doomed to be;
husband she had dreamed about
I could never be.

Resurrection/Insurrection

When I woke up this morning, my eyelids rose like the sun,
but Six hours late; the day had begun,
Ran the globe like a Gerbil to keep up with the sun,
So afraid of the dark I'd become.

I looked out on amber waves of grain that had kept my eyes warm,
and realized an enemy had been born.
Where did all this fear come from - I thought I was safe?
at least since Jesus erased my mistakes - My mistake...
Past sins may be covered but future ones remain, with the pain,
That's how God wants us playing this Game...


It's the tension we don't like to mention...
You'll find me huddled in the corner, a mourner,
peering out where the shadows can't find my eyes; I realize
that Rise is a place where we pitch our tents,
but with stakes that are writhing and driving and Bent --
Don't lament -- and yet...

We all play a part in making prophets' dreams come true--
So don't give a hoot: Pitch in, and pollute,
Cause we're sinners, with innards twisted hiding the truth:
With every layer of hurt comes a layer of guilt, settling down like silt,
It's how we're built.

And if Jesus wants to hang there on the cross to forgive us, fine,
But it we'd let him live, he's just be one of us...
He couldn't have gotten up there without us...

Someone had to sin, for Jesus it's an easy roll of the dice --
But we all blame Judas without thinking twice.

I'm Judas, I'm caught in God's catch-22
I'm going to do God's will then Get crucified too
He's a Jew, and they've been taking the fall, for us all,
From hitler, all the way back to Peter and Paul
But wait -- Weren't they Jew's too?

What hope do we have / if Anti-Semitism goes so far back? When the
Jews had to join us, they lost their counter attack.
no more whining, they inherited our hate, and self-hate was born
And centuries on centuries of internalized fathers we'd never be good enough for.
Think you can grow up and escape from the parents inside?
But there's nowhere to hide - there's nowhere to hide...
So we stuff it all down and then turn it to pride...

Not the Bride of Christ but the Bride of Godzilla:
Welcome to America, how can we Kill ya?
No wonder Judas hung himself from the nearest tree;
He wanted to die in time to get Out of Jail free
When Christ busted Gates open, he went along for the ride --
He knew God's plan, and the hell left behind

on Earth... It's Earth Day, and Shakespeare's Birthday
Was it worth it? What do you say? / To play the part
of birthing art through destruction - that's our function -
whether Christian or not - to heap starbucks cups into landfills cum methane fields and drive the wheels for oil spills to all become a lake of FIRE -

Our job is to destroy the planet... so God can finally Damn it.


(Ahem)
M: As we crucify the land and the Sea, we're only
Fulfilling prophecy. What more do you want from me, G?

G: Maybe some pain in your heart for what you're tearing apart.
Worst thing you could do is think you're home free --
You keep forgetting it all depends on ME.

M: But Lord, its Manifest Destiny. We're staking our claim
with our flags and our drills - Aren't you thrilled? We're finally
Getting this thing under control -- and once our drugs defeat death,
We won't need you at all!

G: The stakes in the land are the spikes in my hands -
And the spear in my side's spilling Carbon Dioxide.

M: We'll stick a spear in the permafrost and then light a match - and to the cattle grazing.
We're taking our stand -- Keg stand, that is -- we're gettin you and this planet DRUNK.
And see if you'll survive the hazing.

G: All the sour wine in Cana won't settle your stomachs.
Your acid reflux can't be cured with drugs -
Cause each night it is _I_ who drip in your cups.

...
John said, "whoever sinneth, hath not seen..." But didn't I see him last week?
When I was at my peak? didn't I hear him speak?
But then I sinned again -- so maybe I was just walking with a ghost --
I didn't touch his hands, too caught up in my plans --
Maybe all along my faith has been built on sand...

The only way to enter in is through SIN - THAT brings me down again.
And remember it is hands with holes that hold me - that's why I keep slipping through...
When I start seeming perfect I think I'm Jesus too. So sue me -
Sin needs to be written on my face to help me remember my place.

Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault
Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault

Gospel writers had Judas,
The Nazis had Jews,
Its always better to find someone else to accuse

Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault

Hey Jude, your blood-stained clothes couldn't be any wetter;
Take this sad song from me and make it better

Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault

EasierToHang a Christ from the Cross
than admit he's the Boss;
(until we taste the albatross)

Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault

Now unemployment's Rising, same time as our Lord;
Better let someone else die by the sword
Impale him, let KVI string them from Cords,
Cause the Lords we choose in the end will be Hitler - or Sarah Palin.


So does that mean we're off the hook?
Does american passtime bible-thumping mean we take a bat to the book?
Can we finally look at what we've done -- knowing now that God has won?
Or do we savor the flavor of being saved --
No longer a slave to sin, Now again we want slaves...

No reel me in, feel me Jesus, reveal us / even if its
against free will to seal us. You can't save us from sin -
In fact you need it to win - Cause then we need you,
and that's where we begin.

If you DON'T want to hang yourself regularly, something is definitely wrong -
So touch your friend's hand while you have them along.
And share a piece of your fish, for that hole in their side.
Decorating a Cross? That's just how we share in the ride.

written for Easter II / COTA Earth Day Reverb 4/25/09