Venn diagram

All of the pain that was done to me
All that was robbed from me, that I never learned
About loving, about living in family, and real relationships
About being a child
About being wrong
And still being loved
About struggling as a man honestly, and accepting less than perfection
All the touch I never felt
And comfort I never received
These things I never knew that I never knew
And the tears I never cried
Belong in the first circle.

All the pain I have done
And continue to do
Which was only my fault
All the love that was rushed
By my angst of aloneness
All the good love starved of presence
By my anxiety of sitting still
All the trust I have shattered
And hearts I have dropped
Pain I have caused
Sincere promises I have failed at
Excuses i've given
And demeaning of myself;
Plus a future of only the same
Because I am "not healthy enough yet for a relationship"
And thus never yet have been
Even throughout attempting bonds
I thought could meet both our needs
These fill up the second circle

And I in my tears
Am in the intersection
Seeing for the first time both
Stricken by both
Mourning both

Mourning the loss
Of a self never known, and never presented

Of the holes in my heart
I have bled onto others
Staining what I wanted to keep

Of the irresponsibility
Of so many choices I have made
For wrong reasons, or simply at the wrong time

Of a hurt that is living today
Given birth through me
That my truest intentions cannot change
Because I in this state
Can create no other.

No child,
No family,
No true love
Only pain

What I was not handed
I cannot pass on
And never will be able to of my own power


So Abba you may decide
What miracle to grant me
For I am destroyed just as I destroy
And am no more
Than the splinters at my feet