Thoughts, from an Abbot

My one audience with the abbot. I'd been thinking about what to ask him for at least a day and a half of my retreat.

On Thanksgiving day, I went in asking Father Meletios about how to deal with sadness, suffering, and preoccupation with doing things 'right' - so that I could be less self-absorbed, and experience true thankfulness.

[paraphrased per my memory]:

The way we look at it, in the Orthodox Church, would be that you are having a problem with your mind. There is nothing actually causing you suffering right now: you are relatively comfortable, have a roof over your head, by all rights you should be happy. 

The reason you are suffering, then, must be that your thoughts are creating that. We are amazing creatures of habit; you'll find that your current problem will disappear as soon as a bigger one comes along, but once that bigger one is cleared up, you will dredge up the first problem. 

We all experience this. What you may want to try is what we monks learn to do: ignore the thoughts, and focus on what is around you, at hand, in the present. Increase your awareness of the love of Christ. You replace the thoughts with the voice of God, which is always experienced in the present, in whatever form. 

One thing you'll notice is the thoughts are never about the present, they only deal with the past or future. 

The other thing you'll notice is that thoughts are always about one of two things: desire or fear. And both of them hurt. 

One practice that helps is centering your experience on your heart. Not your emotions, mind you, which are your body's reactions to thoughts, but the heart itself, which is always in the present. It shifts your life experience from centering around your thoughts to centering on your heart, and what you'll find is that operating truly from this place of love, there are no words for that. This is Christ living in you. You can have no thoughts when you're in that experience. 

Now I know very few people who can do this constantly - the thoughts come up for us all. Maybe the Saints could live this way. But for the rest of us, even monks, dealing with thoughts this way is a constant practice.

Father Meletios Weber, Abbot of the Monastery of St. John of Shanghai & San Francisco