Beach Life

Mother switches like the surf:
Far away, then rushing caves.
Her froth suggests injustice in what
Seemed to you like friendly waves.

Build a moat that she’ll erode,
Hold your ground but strangely sink.
Ebb's destruction rivals flow:
Survival means to ride the drink.

Longingly spy barnacles,
Marvel at escaping crabs.
Course is steered, ‘til disappeared is
All you’d dreamt you had.

Hollowed shells and jellyfish warn
Consequences from the deep;
Ocean life would overwhelm, so
Mimic corpses for your keep.

Meaning goes no deeper than
Some opal glints and winks of sun
Reflecting through an inch of water
As you come and go and come.

Compulsively attached to any
Shine, when finally you land–
Belly down, endowed with legs that
Flail, but fail to find the sand.

Truth:lake

I float, my body
Finally relaxed, cleansed in the pure
Truth it can know

While thoughts in my head
Fight against the horizon
Panic if liquid

Should enter my mouth,
Swallow or inhale? Neither:
Truth belongs outside.

A surface hallowed,
Depths shall not be explored
Or so I was warned...

Waves crash in my head,
Ocean already inside;
The air is a crutch.

See my compulsion,
Let my face underwater,
Of course I can swim.

Caspar

Asking if the narcissist cares about other people is like asking a normal person if they believe in ghosts.

Care is too elaborate a concept. The better question for the narcissist is, do you believe in other people?

The answer would be something like, I've heard they they exist, but really haven't seen any proof.

Political Views

nearly all people are uniformly locked in some form of self-defense, tribalism, and denial of their violence. In this kind of society, views and parties don't matter because they describe social locatedness, not deep inquiry or grappling with reality.

Westlake Mall: We let you build a mall here. Why won't you let us enjoy it?

Nice afternoon. Hour to kill downtown. Overstimulated by long week at work. Looking for a nice place to relax a little distance from the traffic:

Perfect. 

I buy a smoothie, grab a chair from the food court, and relax near the railing looking over it all.

Security guard 1:  "I'm gonna have to have you move. I can't have you sitting out here."

Me: "Well then why did they build the deck?"

SG1: "Sometimes they have parties and bring their own chairs out here."

Me: "Where can I get one of those chairs?"

I brought my chair inside, found the name of the management company, General Growth Partners, on a sign, and went to sit on the steps.

Security Guard 2: "I can't have you sitting on the steps. It's a security concern."

I look above me to see if any of the overhang looks immanent to fall. "How is it a security concern?"

"You're blocking people on the steps."

"That's cause I can't sit up there."

"That's also a security concern."

"How is that?" 

"If there were an emergency and people needed  to come out the doors, you'd be blocking them. That's why we have the chairs inside."

I ask who I can talk to about this and he hands me this official looking card: 

I took the picture so I can submit my comment here with some accountability. @GeneralGrowth, you can respond with a comment here or to my tweets:

We let you build a mall here. Why won't you let us enjoy it?

Impaired: a Good Friday-Easter meditation

Heard: 

"things keep happening for me that I don't deserve. I guess that's what God's grace is - gifts that you don't deserve"

Realized:

To the contrary, my belief is that I have deserved everything that happens to me, good and bad. 

To deserve everything I've gotten, I must be either worthy or worthless; in any case -- all-powerful.

To remain powerful, I have erased my weakness, flaws, friends' attempts at accountability, and the needs of others from my awareness.

Erasing all the real in myself and others keeps me from relating or connecting.

Never relating means I see others not as people, but as objects.

As a subject among objects, any gift or punishment I receive would have to be earned, manipulated, or stolen.

Others, as objects, would not have the autonomy to freely give a gift. 

Having never accepted a freely given gift, I know nothing of thankfulness or humility.

Unable to be thankful or humble, I cannot appreciate God.

Note: the cycle above can be interrupted at any step. The Easter story is about one such interruption. 

Meditation Insight

Demons and Devils are simply names for my human capacity for evil. I use the names when my sin is too awful for me to face. 

Seeing this I see the Jesus who comes to me after his death is my human capacity to walk with God, converse with God like a loving parent, and be obedient. 

When I live this way I follow Jesus, and God is well pleased. The Holy Spirit who settles on my head brings me God's peace and inspiration to obey. She raises me from sunkenness, and enhances my awareness to listen. The world becomes a chorale of love sung by God to me. 

Attention, obedience, and service are my love in return. Joy is singing into this exchange.

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