the 3rd level of sin: Devil's stronghold

Level 1 sin: actions

The first level includes the actions that can be named or we know we should watch out for. such as:

Gossip,
Sex not protected by marriage
Overeating or indulging
Other desires of the flesh
Laziness
Materialistic choices
The other 'deadly sins'
Breaking the commandments

Pro: these are guideposts to how we are doing by God; if we think we are doing right but violating these, it is easier to detect self deception.

Con: keeping to these only makes us legalistic, and if that is as deep as our obedience goes, we are not even pleasing God. Probably making him angry.

Level 2 sins: attitudes and emotions.

I credit this distinction to pastor Derek. Last night he pointed out that if we go about doing the right thing (level 1) but are not right in our hearts, it pretty much doesnt count.

Evidence of level 2 sin would be:

Bitterness
Resistance
Begrudging another
Feeling one thing and saying another
Having a hard heart
Humoring people
Judging

Pro: checking ourselves on level 2 sins can help us find our way to true humility, obedience, and surrender before God and experiencing life with Christ.

Con: if you take seriously Christ's words about changing your heart, and try become right yourself through a manipulation of your inner attitudes and postures, you will likely become ingenuine, forcing your sin even deeper underground. Then you are in the business of lying not only to others, but to yourself. In this state, no relationship with God is possible.

It is probably best if we find ourselves in this position to instead pray to the Holy Spirit to guide and change us. Then get ready for the often long, sometimes painful, daily work of having our level 3 sins rooted out.

Level 3 sin: beliefs, preconceptions, 'lenses'

Level 3 sin is the hardest to root out. This is because it colors everything we see - including our self-perception of sin.

Usually level 3 sin came to us from outside forces before we were old enough to have responsibility in the matter: from our culture, from parents who were abusive, narcissistic, or indulgent. They also to sime degree are the result of human nature, unchecked or exacerbated by bad parenting. These influences color the way we see ourselves and our world, such as:

I am special, set apart
When I am unhappy I deserve a treat.
I deserve to be comfortable and happy.
I should be able to get what I want out of my relationships.
I need to be taken care of.

I shouldn't have to work this hard

I am worthless or hopeless.

My life is crap.
Others people's needs are more important than mine.
Our way is the best.
My family/country is special.
If we/I have problems, they are not as serious as other people's.
The problems in the world are mostly due to people unlike me.

Level three sins are rarely discovered without rigorous self-examination. That is because we do not care enough about each other to look closely and risk pointing them out. It is far easier to hide: 'live and let live.' One of the devil's favorite slogans.

Yet we need committed, intimate relationships to show us where to look for level three sins, with committed partners willing to hold the truth to our face for us consistently and not leave, for years, until we feel it is safe enough to come out of hiding and let our worst be seen. This is the meaning of confession of sins: a command most churches dont practice because we dont want to face what is hardest in ourselves and others. The relationship that facilitates healing of level three sin is not what we imagine with a 'soul mate,' however, or with a friend or family member. Rather it is with that rare individual completely committed to eradicating all three levels of sin in herself, as a daily, lifelong practice. Short of joining a monastery, you might find an individual like this once a decade.They tend to show up only once you've hit rock bottom and have no other path left but to look for the level 3 sin that has derailed you most your life

People whose level 3 sin comes mostly from the culture will tend never to look for it. This is because the sin is so widely accepted. It is like the air we breathe. Old testament prophets like Amos and Habbakuk spoke God's condemnation on cultures whose level three sin blinded them even from the level 1 sins they were committing. You can do everything right by your church and your neighbors and still be living in sin; as Pastor Derek says: most Christians are not going to Heaven. But we can pray as David did in the psalms: "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts." (139:23) The holy spirit can correct what man will not.

People whose level 3 sin comes from aberrant family conditioning are more likely to be pointed toward looking for it; their life struggles will set them apart from culture, and make it hard for them to function normally. They are more likely to hit rock bottom. These will tend to be those God has created for special tasks, for the devil laid the trap early for them. These face a double-bind in that they may struggle against their personal level 3 sin in damaged self-concepts to chase what is 'normal,' never breaking through to seeing that the picture of normal itself is built to accomodate everyone else's level 3 sin. Thus the devil has fooled them into chasing sin all their lives, and may never discover God's purpose for us.

Few ever get to looking for their level 3 sin in their lifetimes. It does no good to diagnose it in general or be able to name it from the outside. We must learn to see it for ourselves, in the moment of it's operation, in the ways it colors our choices, our assumptions, the mean things we "didn't mean to do." We must re-see ourselves as bearers of this sin at every moment, learn it's flavor and character and shape and watch it in action. Only then can we capture the devil inside us and offer him back to God.

Christmas: Presence, not presents

I awake Christmas Eve morning agitated, anxious, jittery. The holiday weekend has begun; I have family and friends to look forward to, yet I am nervous out of habit. I feel punch-drunk from the brutal exchange of expectations from Christmases past, and trod dutifully back for another beating.

My pen and journal have helped calm my restless legs each morning this week, and again I reach for them to dig beneath the current of my racing thoughts. How did I come to be so would up around Christmas each year? What messages did I ingest to make the advent of the Prince of Peace so profoundly disquieting?

I remember the ramp-up: pressure around the tree and decorations; Christmas music required on-hand to ritually trigger desired memories and affect. And then there was Christmas morning, when we finally plumb the depths under the tree, desperate for the proper blend of presents and responses to our gifts so to pique our high; only to settle, spent, afterwards into an empty ennui of wondering what gift or experience we must have missed. The whole thing invested with so much performance that we might as well be seducing santa into our beds for a one-night stand.

What is it we are looking for under the tree? Didn't our parents promise us, in December especially but also throughout the year, that if we simply behaved, Santa would take note and reward us Christmas morning? And why would they need to promise this, except that their parenting skills fell short of making an imperfect world palatable to us and, instead of accepting this human flaw and sitting with us to show one can accept such pain in the moment, they displace it to a yearly reckoning wherein a bearded intruder settles the account with gifts.

The dynamics diverge for each family, from orgiastic cheer to unwrapped cartons of cigarettes; from semblances of the family unit, to parents fractured in relationship and psychology alike. There are always variations on a theme. But, almost uniformly, we trace our parents' footsteps in an annual pilgrimage back to the tree, to exchange gifts and hope it somehow fills the void. What we are looking for, boxed up under ornaments and lights, is the love our parents were unable to give.

When we obsess over choosing the perfect gift for our loved ones - with cost and thoughtfulness matched to what they mean to us - we are trying to assuage our guilt for what we have yet again failed to offer, in time or patience or care throughout the year. Contrast this to the gift God gave to us on the same holiday: nothing but his naked, vulnerable, dependent self.

The baby in the manger came with no frills, inside jokes, or utilitarian purpose. He came simply to be with us. He offered himself in purest form, with no adornments. How often do we think ourselves alone inadequate, our presence insufficient if we fall short in the number or value of gifts we put forth? Though we see in the wise men's frankincense and myrrh that a gift of simple presence may inspire an appreciative response that has material aspects, these cannot substitute for the real thing. Both the bible and our own hearts remind of us this, every Christmas morning.

The revolutionary statement Christ made in his first simple moments on Earth applies not just to Christmas, but all year round; at every moment we can stop and be with each other, with our children, remembering that Emmanuel means God With Us. Every day we are threatened with openings to intimacy, with the possibility of eye contact, of showing something true on our face. But not often enough do we accept God's first gift to us - the gift of coming alongside us, being ready for us without an agenda, of affirming we are enough, just as we are. This is the gift that can settle us down. That can end the ache of unrequited love that is chased throughout generations. This is the gift we have been looking for from our parents all along.

Each Christmas, we gather in the dead of winter, starved of presence, craving presents. This Christmas, let us follow God, and simply give ourselves.


Merry Christmas everybody. Please be introduced to this wonderful and a propos track from my friends at Church of the Beloved:

"our gift is not what we can do but who we are."
http://belovedschurch.org/hope/given.php

From fiction

"... Of course neither of them had known what to do with anything resembling the rage, discomfort, fear, vulnerability, and sadness that lurked around the fringes of those emotional highs, because each was the tip of an iceberg of feelings amassed and frozen in early youth, legitimately felt toward parents too busy and narcissistic to care how their actions effected their young children. They had both grown up in situations like this, repeatedly battered against the wall of unwillingness of any parent to compromise their agendas for the sake of the life they had brought into this world.

He wondered why this was coming up now. Why the loneliness and near-desperation followed so closely on the tail of holding a magnificent sense of empowerment as he walked down to the canal, a feeling that the being he had always hidden trapped inside himself was finally ripping out through the surface of the small persona he had constructed to navigate the hostile and uncaring world of his home. He understood instantly the mythology of superheros busting out of their mild-mannered lives to encounter and claim their true calling. He felt his spirit grow into an incredible hulk as he walked downhill and through downtown and realized that the superhuman feats that had eluded him until now - getting responsible about a job, attending to a relationship with care and presence, keeping each in their place - were going to be possible for him now. He reflected momentarily as he stared into the darts of light reflecting off the water how tragic it was that his mother's abuse had so handicapped him that the stuff of normal life felt to him like the stuff of myths and movies.

He trembled slightly, felt cold in the light of the sun. Because he saw that, although establishing himself in a job would be an astounding feat, what came next, a real relationship, would be simultaneously the door into an unknown and terrifying path forward, and a narrow ledge along the plunge back into insanity, addiction, and feelings too awful to bear - the remnants of neglect and sensual torture by his mother - the relationship that had dominated him, the only relationship that he had been offered, the relationship he lived over and over again, and had never yet been able to escape."

one part of the response

Dead prez was right. Only its not just skin color. It's BS passed down as abuse by weak human beings who can't face their problems. We have to fight the lies. But we have to fight it first in ourselves. or nothing changes

Candice Isaacs McCormick, R.I.P. 7/22/2010

underneath

The anger has always been here. Can't you feel it?

no, I can't feel it.

The wrath, that becomes the great tribulation, has been beneath the surface, in all of us, in our righteous anger, can't you feel it?

no.

The oil, that becomes the lake of fire, has been underneath us all along. Now it's spilling out. Can't you see it, taste it? See what it means?

Maybe I'm starting too.

The rage you have felt toward your mother has been in every relationship, a hate you couldn't access, a violence that was apparent but hidden thinly behind smiles and reassurances you were programmed to give. Can you at least feel that?

Yes. now I can.

.

Simply Christian

Accountable Relationships

Continual surrender

Worldly responsibility

Private disciplines

Joy in Loving

Covenant

Today on the ferry ride from edmonds I looked backwards.

Usually I prefer the front, full steam ahead, wind in my face, but for no particular reason I chose the back today, sitting in the covered area eating some cereal, looking at where I'd come from.

On my way to my car, parked near the back, I stopped to stretch near the mildly churning water, and I saw the most perfect rainbow, arcing from left to right with both ends in the water, like an archway the ferry had passed under. And I remembered God's covenant.

And I imagined him saying, 'never again will I flood your life with so much destruction.'