Drum-making

I am an unfinished drum.


The barrel is life; the animal skin my soul.


Til now, if you strike me, you only get empty thuds, 
because my soul has not been stretched enough 
to cover the actual shape and size of life.


God is stretching my soul into the shape 
of the life he made me to fit.

growing uncertainty

words about my father's ways
sprouting beliefs about myself
a long time trying to heal her, heal myself
by mowing down any sign of the same within me
never hearing which parts were ok
never hearing parts truly wrong
just the seed of choking vines
thriving in the dark
withering in light

but night

when I am alone
not just in bed, but inside myself
thuderclouds of worry and fear
keep me locked inside
I have no raingear

for her tears

simply water the seeds
of what I'd believed:
father that I never had
i am doomed to be;
husband she had dreamed about
I could never be.

Resurrection/Insurrection

When I woke up this morning, my eyelids rose like the sun,
but Six hours late; the day had begun,
Ran the globe like a Gerbil to keep up with the sun,
So afraid of the dark I'd become.

I looked out on amber waves of grain that had kept my eyes warm,
and realized an enemy had been born.
Where did all this fear come from - I thought I was safe?
at least since Jesus erased my mistakes - My mistake...
Past sins may be covered but future ones remain, with the pain,
That's how God wants us playing this Game...


It's the tension we don't like to mention...
You'll find me huddled in the corner, a mourner,
peering out where the shadows can't find my eyes; I realize
that Rise is a place where we pitch our tents,
but with stakes that are writhing and driving and Bent --
Don't lament -- and yet...

We all play a part in making prophets' dreams come true--
So don't give a hoot: Pitch in, and pollute,
Cause we're sinners, with innards twisted hiding the truth:
With every layer of hurt comes a layer of guilt, settling down like silt,
It's how we're built.

And if Jesus wants to hang there on the cross to forgive us, fine,
But it we'd let him live, he's just be one of us...
He couldn't have gotten up there without us...

Someone had to sin, for Jesus it's an easy roll of the dice --
But we all blame Judas without thinking twice.

I'm Judas, I'm caught in God's catch-22
I'm going to do God's will then Get crucified too
He's a Jew, and they've been taking the fall, for us all,
From hitler, all the way back to Peter and Paul
But wait -- Weren't they Jew's too?

What hope do we have / if Anti-Semitism goes so far back? When the
Jews had to join us, they lost their counter attack.
no more whining, they inherited our hate, and self-hate was born
And centuries on centuries of internalized fathers we'd never be good enough for.
Think you can grow up and escape from the parents inside?
But there's nowhere to hide - there's nowhere to hide...
So we stuff it all down and then turn it to pride...

Not the Bride of Christ but the Bride of Godzilla:
Welcome to America, how can we Kill ya?
No wonder Judas hung himself from the nearest tree;
He wanted to die in time to get Out of Jail free
When Christ busted Gates open, he went along for the ride --
He knew God's plan, and the hell left behind

on Earth... It's Earth Day, and Shakespeare's Birthday
Was it worth it? What do you say? / To play the part
of birthing art through destruction - that's our function -
whether Christian or not - to heap starbucks cups into landfills cum methane fields and drive the wheels for oil spills to all become a lake of FIRE -

Our job is to destroy the planet... so God can finally Damn it.


(Ahem)
M: As we crucify the land and the Sea, we're only
Fulfilling prophecy. What more do you want from me, G?

G: Maybe some pain in your heart for what you're tearing apart.
Worst thing you could do is think you're home free --
You keep forgetting it all depends on ME.

M: But Lord, its Manifest Destiny. We're staking our claim
with our flags and our drills - Aren't you thrilled? We're finally
Getting this thing under control -- and once our drugs defeat death,
We won't need you at all!

G: The stakes in the land are the spikes in my hands -
And the spear in my side's spilling Carbon Dioxide.

M: We'll stick a spear in the permafrost and then light a match - and to the cattle grazing.
We're taking our stand -- Keg stand, that is -- we're gettin you and this planet DRUNK.
And see if you'll survive the hazing.

G: All the sour wine in Cana won't settle your stomachs.
Your acid reflux can't be cured with drugs -
Cause each night it is _I_ who drip in your cups.

...
John said, "whoever sinneth, hath not seen..." But didn't I see him last week?
When I was at my peak? didn't I hear him speak?
But then I sinned again -- so maybe I was just walking with a ghost --
I didn't touch his hands, too caught up in my plans --
Maybe all along my faith has been built on sand...

The only way to enter in is through SIN - THAT brings me down again.
And remember it is hands with holes that hold me - that's why I keep slipping through...
When I start seeming perfect I think I'm Jesus too. So sue me -
Sin needs to be written on my face to help me remember my place.

Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault
Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault

Gospel writers had Judas,
The Nazis had Jews,
Its always better to find someone else to accuse

Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault

Hey Jude, your blood-stained clothes couldn't be any wetter;
Take this sad song from me and make it better

Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault

EasierToHang a Christ from the Cross
than admit he's the Boss;
(until we taste the albatross)

Fill the wounds with salt, say it wasn't our fault

Now unemployment's Rising, same time as our Lord;
Better let someone else die by the sword
Impale him, let KVI string them from Cords,
Cause the Lords we choose in the end will be Hitler - or Sarah Palin.


So does that mean we're off the hook?
Does american passtime bible-thumping mean we take a bat to the book?
Can we finally look at what we've done -- knowing now that God has won?
Or do we savor the flavor of being saved --
No longer a slave to sin, Now again we want slaves...

No reel me in, feel me Jesus, reveal us / even if its
against free will to seal us. You can't save us from sin -
In fact you need it to win - Cause then we need you,
and that's where we begin.

If you DON'T want to hang yourself regularly, something is definitely wrong -
So touch your friend's hand while you have them along.
And share a piece of your fish, for that hole in their side.
Decorating a Cross? That's just how we share in the ride.

written for Easter II / COTA Earth Day Reverb 4/25/09

Can husbands command wives?

I mean does God say, I command you woman, I command you man... And what sorts of things does God command in that way, just scripturally evident commands (general ones) or specific things too (like do laundry). I mean there are ways God can speak to us all the time and guide our steps to do God's will, which I believe we often can perceive and which if we listen and do them our lives are enhanced with God...

But the foundation for these commands is the granting of free will and so every command in effect is a request. So if God requests we obey but understands it is our free choice to or not, then it seems to me that husbands are out of line expecting a relational command to be anything different than how God asks and expects of us.

doctor-pusher-flyer man

So I'm coming out of Georgia, on a plane that hit turbulence on its last leg, throwing the flight attendant sitting in front of me into the side of the plane, sending one person to the hospital when they landed.

My previous flight from Roanoke landed thirteen minutes before this one was scheduled to take off. I barreled through the airport as much as I could run, passing the gate attendant and throwing myself into the emergency exit door trying to bust it open upon seeing the jetway door closed. The gate attendant yelled at me that I couldn't just throw myself against an emergency exit door, to which I replied "Well I just did and it didn't open, so now I want you to get me onto that plane." (Come to think of it, aren't emergency exits supposed to open?) She called security on me.

While we were waiting for security I calmly explained how no one from the previous flight – which was delayed for mechanical reasons – had called to ask them to hold the flight, despite my requests. I listed all the things their airline had done wrong, as she spoke on the phone to someone about me as if I wasn't there. Before security arrived, however, another delayed passenger did. Then another. Soon there were five of us waiting, all delayed for mechanical reasons.

While she talked to someone I assumed was in the office, I calculated my list of needs (a 4 star hotel, $60 meal voucher, and free flight – for all of us there). Then she said, "ok y'all, come with me." I thought she was taking us around the corner to negotiate a deal, but instead she punched in the security code and let us onto the jetway. "I have NEVER seen that happen before," said the woman I sat beside.

So now I'm in the first seat I saw – right in front next to the exit, facing the steward in his fold down seat. I ask him how his night has been. "Not so good," he replies, and proceeds to tell me about people hitting the ceiling literally on the flight in from Seattle.

After a bit he asks me and my neighbor if we're going to watch any movies. "I didn't think we had any tvs," I say, having scanned the walls and ceiling for something like the screens the other passengers have in the seatback in front of them. "Oh yeah," he says, "they're right down there," showing me rotating arms like a dentists lamp hiding next to my legs.

"Yeah they have nice touch screens and all kinds of movies and games you can buy."

"Oh I left my credit card in the overhead," says my neighbor.

"That's ok," he says in confidence. "You don't need one, not when you know me. I know how to turn them on for you."

It's what he says next that grabs my attention: "Yeah they have lots of options to entertain you , and that's what we want. That's the future. We want you to be entertained. Anything to make it a little less painful. It's a long five hour flight and we don't want it to be painful. We want you to be entertained so you don't feel it."

Suddenly I feel like I'm talking to a drug pusher. Even though I know he doesn't mean any harm, I feel like he's speaking the mantra of electronic corporations everywhere, whose CEOs maybe don't mean harm either, or maybe they do. But I think, isn't that just what its all about. Life is long and it can be painful, and they want us to be entertained so we won't feel it.

It's funny because a doctor said almost the same thing to my mom when he gave her up for dead: "We just want to make sure you're as comfortable as you can be from here on out. We're interested in your quality of life." That was when I killed him.

I mean, as far as I was concerned. I walked out of the room and started searching for other doctors. We never saw his fleshy face again.

But I wonder why the word choices of the doctor and airline steward are so similar. Both of them represent a cultural response to life that has gotten just too hard. Apple is just another drug company. Screw trying to fix things; we're going to take this little pill and wait for it to be over. Imagine if drugs were administered by looking at them. If we could stare at an IV bag of morphine and feel better, it would look a lot like TV.

Which means that basically we're turning America into one giant hospital. And the illness is life. Our cultural doctors don't really know how to make life better, so they've prescribed a heavy dose of Comcast. Think I'm exaggerating? Name the biggest companies you can think of. How many of them are in the business of electronic distractions?

My mom is home from the hospital now. She's slowly worked her way back to eating, walking on her own, and being able to take care of herself better. It is an incredibly long, patient process for a woman who two months ago was still robust and working, despite having cancer. Dehydration brought her within a virus of dying, and one month in bed on life support has made her very weak. We take it as a good sign that she can make it into the family room to sit with us evenings and watch tv.

Our economy right now is built on electronics and legal drugs. The bulk of it is subsidized by credit and insurance, since what will satisfy us is far disconnected from what we are able to provide for ourselves. All this is fine, for now. Just as nurses can rest reasonably when a patient is on life support with stable vital signs. But what about when they pull the plug? What will all our children do when they pull the plug? Every generation born after me has had internet from the age of ten.

The blackout in Florida last week went unexplained. Not even the people who run the power grid could explain why it happened. The tornados in Florida tonight and freak winter storm over the middle two thirds of the country don't need explanations any more. We seem to know that you don't need specific explanations when the overall system is so strained. Our overall energy usage in the US is growing by 20% each year. Because of laptops, ipods, LCDtvs, etc. And we're not using any of it to solve our problems. We're using that power to be entertained.

My time in Virginia has been spent working on a system to get kids involved in learning about climate change and reducing energy usage, organizing a program for the Girl Scouts to educate their communities about the importance of changing habits and of efficient devices like Compact Fluorescent Lightbulbs, which they will also be selling. I'm trying to change it all, but I'm just one person. I could die on this plane ride because of crazy weather caused by global warming. And everyone around me is just watching tv.

Lots of people go to the hospital. Some people die there. Some people come home. I went to the hospital once, and I didn't die. But it took me a lot of years getting better, to learn how to use my energy better, to work on what matters, to not get by in life just being entertained. My mom is home from the hospital now, and her path to getting better is long and slow, and not even assured. The sickness is still inside her.

The world needs a lot of us working on what matters now. We all are a lot closer to dying than we might imagine. Maybe it would help to realize that we are already in the hospital.

--
Andrew Varyu
Founder, ITSCOOL
Innovative Tactics for Sea Level and Climate Change Outreach and Opportunity Leaders
"Getting kids psyched to be America's leaders against Global Warming"
206.909.8868
founder@itscool.us

Press:
NPR: http://www.wvtf.org/news_and_notes/audio/cs_girlscouts-03-07-08.mp3
TV: http://cfc.wset.com/searchvideos.cfm?k=girl+scouts
Paper: http://www.kirklandreporter.com/jumpstory.html?story=news3&pubdate=10/10/2007
Partner: http://www.gsvsc.org/news.htm#itscool


_other projects:_
Harvard Masters of Divinity Candidate
Postulant to Priesthood, Episcopal Church of Western Washington.
blog: www.andywrites.org
alt contact: harharvar@gmail.com

Private property

The really messed up thing is that I bet, when resources get more scarce, our governments start passing laws allowing people to defend their property with use of force. Its sad to realize we will think of that before we do away with the concept of private property, which is flawed at its root.

Response to John Carlson's "The Cooling of Global Warming," Redmond Reporter, 5-14-08

Letter to the Editor
May 17, 2008

On my desk is a recent issue of the Redmond Reporter, which devotes two pages to a faux-sceintific commentary by John Carlson on "what science is actually telling us about our climate." According to Carlson, the period from 1940-1970 (in which the earth cooled 0.1 degree C) and from 1998-present (which cooled even less) shows that Global Warming is a myth.

What he conveniently leaves out is that from 1880-present the overall change was an increase of 0.9 degrees C.

He also either leaves out, or is ignorant of, the fact that climate change models do not predict consistent warming, but periodic cooling as well, as fresh water from melting icebergs causes oceans temporarily to cool down. Al Gore could have told him that. If he had been listening.

Social debate about Global Warming is really not about science, as Carlson's (mis)use of it shows, but about an issue much closer to home– our ways of life. Behind the most vocal doubters' tantrums is a desire to protect this way of life we have built - energy-guzzling bigscreen tvs so we don't have to talk to each other at home, water-thirsty lawns that keep us safe from neighbors, ever-widening highways so we don't have to sit next to each other while we commute, and irresponsible commentaries issued in newspapers so we don't have to face those we debate. There is natural resistance to sacrificing things we have grown accustomed to, and so for people like Carlson, I can see why this would make him defensive.

The debate is really between people who want to justify our comfort zones and our right to waste more resources than most people in theworld have to live on, and others whose sensitivity to the suffering in the world - both in nature and in humans - does not afford us the luxury of this ignorance. For better or worse, I find myself a member of the latter group, and I feel outrage at the thinly-veiled attempts of public figures who use their mouthpieces to sway others in order to make their own lives easier.

The truth is, the simple things we have to do to stop Global Warming make sense on many fronts. Buying more energy-efficient cars or better – building public transport – can help us conserve resources that are limited. Using energy-efficient appliances and lightbulbs can shave hundreds of dollars off home energy bills. Switching to clean sources of energy (wind, hydro, solar) can improve our children's health (coal plant emissions cause asthma in children).

So why all the fuss, John Carlson? Is it too much of an inconvenience for you to care?

Andrew Varyu,
Redmond, Washington