Ego flow

Ego is a construct; it is related to our energy level.

If our energy is below a certain level, the ego is very real;

If our energy is above a certain level, the egoic sense of distinct self melts away.

Energy level is related to action. This is because energy does not exist in stasis. Energy must flow. If energy slows down enough, it becomes matter; E=mc^2. Whether we are more energy or more matter depends on how much we flow, move. The ego is a function of how much we live as a matter-self, rather than an energy-self.

Energy flows, not just in us, but between us. As energy-selves, we are not distinct from one another. As energy-self, I am most effective when I recognize it is not I who affect others, but the energy that flows through me. I do not work; work is done through me.

The spiritual ambition of self-less existence can only be achieved above the energy level of the ego. To reach that energy level, we must be like energy; we must flow; move. Spiritual awakening can not be realized if we sit still. We must move, effect, live out our awakening by flowing energy to others. In the course of flowing, we awaken more.

Can this principle be found in Christianity? Yes. The old testament prophets all took bold actions and risks to receive and deliver the prophecy. God is said to have "called them" to actions they did not want to take. Without acting in response, God's word would have gone undelivered and ceased to flow through them.

Yet Jesus spoke of love, not action. Why does one of the chief frustrations of sincere Christians seem to be the lack of guidance on which actions one should take? Love itself can be taken as some passive attitude indulged in from the privacy of one's mind, with no action attached. However, though we might mistake love this way, there is no evidence of Jesus loving without action. He healed, touched, visited, traveled, shared, anointed, intervened. Jesus was always moving in the course of loving. Only nailed to the cross was he cut off from God.

Let us not mistakenly awaken only to renounce the world. Awakening calls us to engage the world even more than before, into the places that scare us and threaten us. And if we seek an awakening, we must act to find it. When our flow overcomes obstacles, then our energy overcomes matter, then our love overcomes our fear and the death of the ego.

3 healers

the baby healer uses what she has learned,
she focuses on technique because her confidence is low.
she has love in her heart,
but fear keeps it from flowing.
She touches with hesitation.
When she feels wonderful things happening
she opens up to the possibility,
'maybe I can do it.'


the mature healer does not hesitate.
She knows she can do it. Her hands
are full of love, and her first touch puts at ease.
In her confidence, she may get lazy, her mind may wander.
Then, when she notices it not working,
her confidence can be shaken.
So she must focus harder;
She must heal in constant prayer.


the master healer knows
that it is her loving mind and heart that heals;
the healing is accomplished by her presence
when she enters the room.
There is nothing more to do.
Therefore, technique does not matter; she makes it up.
Whatever is fun and feels good.
She has practiced the loving heart;
it cannot be affected by feeling or doubt.
She knows the love of god is with her, and so with her receiver.
She does not look for proof.

be still my beating mind

If your mind races out of control, there are 4 basic approaches that can calm it down:



1) Get away from the stimulus.

By removing ourselves from the source of stressful thoughts, we can get the space we need to decompress and re-center ourselves. This involves a manipulation of our external environment, which is not always easily under our control.


Examples: leaving the crowd, quitting the job, breaking up with the boyfriend, stopping reading the newspaper.


Problems: Sometimes there is reason for us not to leave. We need the money, the relationship is worth it despite some problems. In which case, the next three ways help us manage ourselves in whatever external circumstances.




2) Move your body.

When the body moves, energy that fuels thinking comes down into our body, leaving our mind clear.

Examples: Exercise, cleaning.

Pitfalls: We have to put 100% energy into moving our body in order to purge a thought. If we half-ass push-ups, or are distracted during sex, thoughts will hide in the part of our mind that abstains from the activity.



At the same time, if a meditative activity (such as walking or folding) is sustained long enough, we experience a calming effect that can help us increase our awareness and process our thoughts more clearly.



3) Increase your awareness

Becoming aware of our thought process can give us more power in relation to it. When we see things from a higher perspective, we can identify patterns, perspective, and appreciation that do not branch from the thought process itself.

God is the most common context used to broaden our perspective, reduce anxiety about a situation and forgive ourselves. However, many less overarching approaches can help us in the same direction.

Examples: Prayer, journaling, meditation; talking or thinking it out.

Pitfalls: Mental awareness usually relates to our physical energy level. Awareness can get us through moments of confusion or crisis, but for a more stable change in thoughts or in faith, we must also change our behaviors (i.e. via moving your body; see # 2).


Often, flashes of awareness help us to see positive changes we would do well to make. To maintain higher awareness, we must act to make those changes, consistently over time. (Tiger woods practices a swing 1,000 times for every minor correction).



4) Distract yourself.

A cut on your finger can hurt like hell, but you'll forget about it if the room behind you is on fire. When something important to us seizes our attention, the problems we think we have are reduced in importance.

Examples: Pouring yourself into work or a project, being faced with a crisis, helping those in need.

Pitfalls: This tactic can look a lot like denial. Be careful to consult your heart and distract yourself only to the degree that you truly want to forget about something. Sometimes, distraction can become compulsive, as in the case of addiction. Be careful to be aware how much and with what you distract yourself.



Note: In order for these tactics to work, we must have taken action all we can or is wise to do, and be at a place of wanting to interrupt the thought process itself in our mind. If we believe the problem still needs to be “solved?- and sometimes it does - then our minds will have trouble letting it go. The above tactics work only when thinking itself is the problem and we realize it is our minds that must be dealt with.

Cross V. Glory

theology of the cross

vs.

Theology of Glory

i know nothing of this historic church debate except that it exists, relayed to me by my an erstwhile theology major. Supposedly theologians have argued over the centuries between which better depicts Jesus' cosmic triumph. To my thinking, it seems each aspect is needed to help us in different times: the cross when we have pain or struggles, Glory when we are faced with the dangerous ordinariness of everyday.

cross:

loss, tragedy, brokenness

Glory:

praise, thanksgiving, celebration, everyday worship

cross:

strength when the chips are down,

toughing it through the tough times,

the power not to give up.

Glory:

the power to forge ahead on faith,

to have no regrets,

to believe in the path God has you on now.

cross:

reconciling pain

through the larger picture of grace

Glory:

reconciling the mundane

through the larger picture of grace

cross:

will serve me if I find back home she has not

left a note on my door...

Glory:

can serve me now, before I go home,

remembering God is with me

even if she isn't.

turkish submission

dark presence enter

but never approach

you leave him alone

the fear of you wakes him

it's after the dream

held from scream by paralysis

malice escapes while

your memory shakes him

***

exhaust and back sweating

from imperfect pride

now a dark hour¡¯s walking:

I passed on the ride

chagrin, growing weakness.

try walking less taxing,

that way that you learned

try imagining home,

just an hour returned

try praying the sweetness

so recent discerned¡¦

it¡¯s a walk

but its more

like a spiritual question

the answer we have

only three miles

to stalk

it¡¯s his dream

but its more

like a spiritual quest

for the power

the dark spirit

to rest.

***

with hands crawling climbing

his dreams finally culminate

reaching and ripping

his body from flesh

with a fresh chill to still

his soul deeper inside

he confides the discovery:

peace beyond reach.

=

this is

God¡¯s earth before me

not three miles ahead

but here in this bed

of imperfect turf

and I am with God;

my new home is anywhere

whole at the center

since three days before

when I took his advice

against reaching and ripping

my core; this hole

into which Christ could pour.

The blindness that calls itself Justice

Here are the brothers

who murdered my Grandmother.

Here is the coat

they bought with SSI

then forgot

at her house

after they murdered my Grandmother.

Here’s the nice stuff

that they took from her house

and then sold to get clothes

the night after

they murdered my Grandmother.

Here is the family

that watches the trial

of their sons

who murdered my Grandmother.

Here is the Father

who sucks air from a tank

who lets me go first

who humbles himself down

who looks grievous as I

cause he knows

his sons murdered my Grandmother.

Here is the talk

where I eavesdrop and hear

the Dad telling his kids

they can’t afford parking

cause they got towed before

so they can’t see the trial

of their brothers

who murdered

my Grandmother.

Here is my pocket

that holds a free pass

to the parking garage

because someone murdered

my Grandmother.

Here are the families, both of them victims: one family rich, whose pain is assuaged; one family poor, who gets no parade.

Here is the blindness that calls itself justice: helping the rich, ignoring the poor, though the money thing led them to kick in her door.

Here is the moment

where I hand my free parking

to the trembling hand

of the bloodshot-eyed father

of the boys

who murdered

my Grandmother.

the girl with lollipop eyes

the girl with

lollipop-eyes,

butterfly-lashes,

cloud-top laughter

cries about

the relentlessly cruel

people

she works with.

in a silent moment,

she will reach out in conversation,

to get burned by their callousness

again and again

Why do you reach? I ask her

A wild animal, trapped,

may call to your heart,

only to lash out

when you approach.

The animal is stressed;

your approach stresses it more.

So don¡¯t reach out:

you will get hurt

and now two need help.

Stand back,

it will lick its wounds,

and later, maybe,

you can free its leg.

You can grow strong

from a distance,

but you will never heal

through compulsive compassion.

¡¦¡¦

She thanks me for the metaphor,

¡°Do I pay you at the door?¡±

Ha, ha.

¡¦¡¦

I am also a wild animal.

On the surface, I smile, give good advice.

but get too close,

and I will lash out.

Those who have loved me

have learned the price.

They all leave,

bearing the scars

of hearts

once too open.

In this way,

one wound

becomes many.

My parents¡¯ divorce

teaches heartbreak

to an entire

generation.

so be strong, protect yourself.

ignore my pleas for help.

A wolf also has puppy-dog eyes.

Let me lick my wounds.

Before you offer me lollipops.