Heard:
"things keep happening for me that I don't deserve. I guess that's what God's grace is - gifts that you don't deserve"
Realized:
To the contrary, my belief is that I have deserved everything that happens to me, good and bad.
To deserve everything I've gotten, I must be either worthy or worthless; in any case -- all-powerful.
To remain powerful, I have erased my weakness, flaws, friends' attempts at accountability, and the needs of others from my awareness.
Erasing all the real in myself and others keeps me from relating or connecting.
Never relating means I see others not as people, but as objects.
As a subject among objects, any gift or punishment I receive would have to be earned, manipulated, or stolen.
Others, as objects, would not have the autonomy to freely give a gift.
Having never accepted a freely given gift, I know nothing of thankfulness or humility.
Unable to be thankful or humble, I cannot appreciate God.
Note: the cycle above can be interrupted at any step. The Easter story is about one such interruption.
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