the body rock

looking down
as I'm lathering up

my round, fully engorged calf muscle

more healthy than i remember it

clear, flowing lines defining my thigh
rather perfect

fondling between my toes
isn't it intersting - i think -
that this is the part that will waste away,

deteriorate, dissolve.

my body,
that i had forgotten about.

Forgotten to look at
while I have used it.
It became a vehicle,
not an object.

It actually,
becomes
nothing

when we focus on a goal
our attention on the working.
I can feel it, daily.
Eyes closed,
from the inside.

But I cannot see it.

When I slow down
when I notice it failing, struggling

when I think about it
Then it comes back to me:
an object for my focus.

A problem, to be solved.
Just like all those years worrying
about its shape and form,
Is it a body that will be attractive when older?

Is it a body that someone will want to have sex with?

A project, to perfect.

A perfection reached only when I forgot about it.

Tariq tells a story. He is incarcerated. He held thirty cops at bay by gun in a mall parking lot.

The end of three days on the run.

The end of ten years in hiding.

In his story, while running, his description adopts a telling tone:

"I was running. I was flying. I was flight.

I hadn't eaten in days. My leg was hurt. But then, there was no pain or hunger.

There was no body driving that van. There was no van.

Just me and the road."

His body dissolved from the picture
when he was entirely focused on escape.

Our bodies will dissolve when we die.
But can we make them do so before then?


We cannot perfect our bodies by focusing on them.
We cannot improve them by taking pride in them or worrying about them.
We can only make them best when we forget about them.
Focus instead on your goal.
Let the body dissolve from your story.

Ashes to ashes,
Dust to dust.
Do not store up your treasures here on earth.
Because when we focus on the form of the body, on the earthly things, they only become heavy.
They become worse.

Instead, store up your treasures in heaven.
Feel your body from the inside. Feel your flight.

Your body is the temple of heaven.
So enter into it.

We cannot change our bodies by focusing on them.
Nor can we change the world by focusing on it.
Focus on your goal
an un-earthly goal.
Do your work for the growth of heaven.
Focused on heaven.
Your body will be perfect.
Earth will become perfect.

Creating the kingdom of heaven here, by you.

Don't look at your body: feel it.
Don't look at the world: feel it.
Be in it. Experience. Connect. Without your critical mind.
For the kingdom of heaven is among us
hidden beneath the forms

Close your eyes
Bring heaven to the forefront.
Create it
by feeling it.

I love you.

rocketship love

People with a strong attractive power

can end up attracting themselves.


The roots of narcissism

and chronic self-analysis

are one in the same.


The energy, as attention, goes out into the world,

But before it reaches its target,

It gets drawn back

-like by gravity -

to its owner’s own attractive energy center.


If we are sensitive, our returning attention

encounters all the minor imperfections

of our developing selves. Thus we

self-analyze.


If we are numb, our returning attention

sees only the attractive energy center

shining through. Thus we become

narcissists.


Either way, the owners of strong energy

are trapped

by their own attractive power



This is why so many well-meaning, compassionate, talented yet insecure people

can be accused of being self-absorbed.


They will remain absorbed in themselves

until they can help their energy escape their own gravitational field.


There is an inner way and an outer way.



The outer way is to find something outside yourself that dominates your attention, that attracts you more than yourself.

For some, this is a lover. For others, it is a cause.

Anything you can find to devote yourself to

Can help to draw you out of yourself.


However, this is an imperfect world,

with wonderful, yet flawed lovers, with imperfect causes.


The self-critics can find things wrong with all of these, too,

and thus drift between lovers, between callings,

on an eternal pursuit to satisfy themselves

which is really a pursuit to forget about themselves.


That is why there is an inner way.



The inner way is to keep your attention from taking off

Never letting it get far enough away to turn back and see yourself.


Instead, ground your attention inside for a while,

in the feelings of your body, in the validity of your heart.


Hence your energy gathers inside,

Adding rocket thrusters for the blastoff.


Finally, when you turn your attention back to the world again,

it can escape your orbit,

and penetrate through the superficial flaws or perfections of others

with a sight that can see into THEIR hearts

and find new orbit there.



Then your attention does not have to return home again - not right away -

Because it has found just as much to attract it

in the hearts of any other.


When your attractive power has been added to

by the presence of your mind inside

Your vision will pierce through the atmosphere of imperfections in the world.


You can finally see and enjoy the world,

rather than yourself.


You can live and love freely,

as you choose.

Our minds are black holes

Our minds are black holes.

not figuratively, literally.

A black hole is a center of mass so dense that energy nearby is drawn in and cannot escape.

The mind is a center of stagnant, thinking energy so dense that it draws the energy of the body into it. Once trapped in the overactive mind, the energy cannot release back into the body. This results in all sorts of problems of the mind – insomnia, headaches, anxiety – and of the body – chronic fatigue, tension, and illnesses that set in due to energy-starvation.

Theories hold that energy passing into a black hole may actually leave our universe and cross into an alternative dimension of reality.

To understand how our minds also serve this function, we must know that energy follows our thoughts. If we worry about outside things too much, our energy goes there leaving our bodies tired. If you think about your palms and hold them two inches apart, you will feel the heat and magnetism of the energy field that is created there.

Every time we think about the future, it sends energy toward the creation of that future. IF we can summon the energy to act and create that future, then it is fine. Our energy goes back into the world.

However, because our energy is trapped in our minds, our bodies are too lazy and tired to create the futures we think about. Then our future-thinking becomes idle speculation, and we spend our energy worrying or dreaming about futures that will never materialize in this world. Our thinking promotes alternative realities from that which we will experience in our universe. Another dimension is created, truly, but one that will never be accessed by our material existence.

In this way, energy leaves our universe. Collectively, as our minds race out of control, energy is sucked from this universe and poured into dreams and nightmares. Leaving our universe increasingly weak and depleted.

Reversing this trend requires that we intentionally direct our light back into the world. Loving others and bringing our dreams into reality are the only ways to do this.

First, however, we must overcome the gravity of the black holes in our heads. We must draw our energy back into our body. The body must have a greater gravity than the mind. That is why physical exercise is necessary for the spiritual salvation of the world.

In a given moment, we must exert our bodies with more energy than goes into our thinking. Eventually, moderate exercise will accomplish this when our energy stabilizes. First, however, our training must regularly involve pushing our bodies to the point of failure. Expect this period to last about two years.

Thought I was an angel

I thought I was an angel

because someone’s eyes

saw the Beauty shine through me

This time I believed them

and remembered the blue and white light

shining through me.

and remembered Jeff Buckley

the breeze of heaven in his voice

And I asked: if an angel,

why these problems?

I must be a weak angel

And I answered: of course;

an angel is strong only when connected to his Father.

If God is the sun, the angel is a lens:

God shines everywhere;

the angel focuses that light on a particular point.

An angel’s job is to burn God’s love

through the paper wall around people’s hearts

A fallen angel forgets.

A fallen angel loses track of his Father.

I think we are all angels.

I think we forgot.

I thought I was an angel,

Today I forgot.

cogito ergo sumo wrestler

I am the person who makes the decisions I make.

Descartes was the one who thought the thoughts he thought.

But even that was a decision: to identify with his thoughts.

We follow Descartes; our heads get fat with thinking.

Cogito ergo sumo.

Our ego gets fat.

Cogito ego sumo.

But if we decide, our world gets fat with action, man.

‘I’ decide; there is no 'I' outside of my decisions.

no emotions, senses, perceptions, preconceptions. No taste or style. These things do not stand alone. i choose how to feel, what to see, what to take for granted.

I am my own creation.

just a dorky volitional bump in the fabric of space-time.

a center of the ripples in the pond.

be a raindrop.

* * *

Yeah!

He cans our vegetables

We can heal our bodies simply by paying attention to them.

Our bodies get sick because we focus outside too much.

If we keep half of our attention inside, all our problems are solved.

There is no more thinking. No worry, no doubt. Feel your body, act to make it feel good, keep feeling it whatever you are doing.

Mind is the middle man. The broker. He is not necessary.

When we speak, we do not need the middle man to interpret the symbols and calculate a response.

The real communication is heart to heart. Energy to energy. Middle-man more often than not gets in the way. We have the best intentions, we want to do our best to represent ourselves and express our appreciation, but middle man boxes it up. He cans our vegetables. Language is a preservative; it only needs to be used when our love needs to travel long distances, or be opened later.

Trust your heart. Trust your body. They can do the job without language, without mind. They can do a better job, if given the chance.

Ego flow

Ego is a construct; it is related to our energy level.

If our energy is below a certain level, the ego is very real;

If our energy is above a certain level, the egoic sense of distinct self melts away.

Energy level is related to action. This is because energy does not exist in stasis. Energy must flow. If energy slows down enough, it becomes matter; E=mc^2. Whether we are more energy or more matter depends on how much we flow, move. The ego is a function of how much we live as a matter-self, rather than an energy-self.

Energy flows, not just in us, but between us. As energy-selves, we are not distinct from one another. As energy-self, I am most effective when I recognize it is not I who affect others, but the energy that flows through me. I do not work; work is done through me.

The spiritual ambition of self-less existence can only be achieved above the energy level of the ego. To reach that energy level, we must be like energy; we must flow; move. Spiritual awakening can not be realized if we sit still. We must move, effect, live out our awakening by flowing energy to others. In the course of flowing, we awaken more.

Can this principle be found in Christianity? Yes. The old testament prophets all took bold actions and risks to receive and deliver the prophecy. God is said to have "called them" to actions they did not want to take. Without acting in response, God's word would have gone undelivered and ceased to flow through them.

Yet Jesus spoke of love, not action. Why does one of the chief frustrations of sincere Christians seem to be the lack of guidance on which actions one should take? Love itself can be taken as some passive attitude indulged in from the privacy of one's mind, with no action attached. However, though we might mistake love this way, there is no evidence of Jesus loving without action. He healed, touched, visited, traveled, shared, anointed, intervened. Jesus was always moving in the course of loving. Only nailed to the cross was he cut off from God.

Let us not mistakenly awaken only to renounce the world. Awakening calls us to engage the world even more than before, into the places that scare us and threaten us. And if we seek an awakening, we must act to find it. When our flow overcomes obstacles, then our energy overcomes matter, then our love overcomes our fear and the death of the ego.

3 healers

the baby healer uses what she has learned,
she focuses on technique because her confidence is low.
she has love in her heart,
but fear keeps it from flowing.
She touches with hesitation.
When she feels wonderful things happening
she opens up to the possibility,
'maybe I can do it.'


the mature healer does not hesitate.
She knows she can do it. Her hands
are full of love, and her first touch puts at ease.
In her confidence, she may get lazy, her mind may wander.
Then, when she notices it not working,
her confidence can be shaken.
So she must focus harder;
She must heal in constant prayer.


the master healer knows
that it is her loving mind and heart that heals;
the healing is accomplished by her presence
when she enters the room.
There is nothing more to do.
Therefore, technique does not matter; she makes it up.
Whatever is fun and feels good.
She has practiced the loving heart;
it cannot be affected by feeling or doubt.
She knows the love of god is with her, and so with her receiver.
She does not look for proof.

be still my beating mind

If your mind races out of control, there are 4 basic approaches that can calm it down:



1) Get away from the stimulus.

By removing ourselves from the source of stressful thoughts, we can get the space we need to decompress and re-center ourselves. This involves a manipulation of our external environment, which is not always easily under our control.


Examples: leaving the crowd, quitting the job, breaking up with the boyfriend, stopping reading the newspaper.


Problems: Sometimes there is reason for us not to leave. We need the money, the relationship is worth it despite some problems. In which case, the next three ways help us manage ourselves in whatever external circumstances.




2) Move your body.

When the body moves, energy that fuels thinking comes down into our body, leaving our mind clear.

Examples: Exercise, cleaning.

Pitfalls: We have to put 100% energy into moving our body in order to purge a thought. If we half-ass push-ups, or are distracted during sex, thoughts will hide in the part of our mind that abstains from the activity.



At the same time, if a meditative activity (such as walking or folding) is sustained long enough, we experience a calming effect that can help us increase our awareness and process our thoughts more clearly.



3) Increase your awareness

Becoming aware of our thought process can give us more power in relation to it. When we see things from a higher perspective, we can identify patterns, perspective, and appreciation that do not branch from the thought process itself.

God is the most common context used to broaden our perspective, reduce anxiety about a situation and forgive ourselves. However, many less overarching approaches can help us in the same direction.

Examples: Prayer, journaling, meditation; talking or thinking it out.

Pitfalls: Mental awareness usually relates to our physical energy level. Awareness can get us through moments of confusion or crisis, but for a more stable change in thoughts or in faith, we must also change our behaviors (i.e. via moving your body; see # 2).


Often, flashes of awareness help us to see positive changes we would do well to make. To maintain higher awareness, we must act to make those changes, consistently over time. (Tiger woods practices a swing 1,000 times for every minor correction).



4) Distract yourself.

A cut on your finger can hurt like hell, but you'll forget about it if the room behind you is on fire. When something important to us seizes our attention, the problems we think we have are reduced in importance.

Examples: Pouring yourself into work or a project, being faced with a crisis, helping those in need.

Pitfalls: This tactic can look a lot like denial. Be careful to consult your heart and distract yourself only to the degree that you truly want to forget about something. Sometimes, distraction can become compulsive, as in the case of addiction. Be careful to be aware how much and with what you distract yourself.



Note: In order for these tactics to work, we must have taken action all we can or is wise to do, and be at a place of wanting to interrupt the thought process itself in our mind. If we believe the problem still needs to be “solved?- and sometimes it does - then our minds will have trouble letting it go. The above tactics work only when thinking itself is the problem and we realize it is our minds that must be dealt with.

Cross V. Glory

theology of the cross

vs.

Theology of Glory

i know nothing of this historic church debate except that it exists, relayed to me by my an erstwhile theology major. Supposedly theologians have argued over the centuries between which better depicts Jesus' cosmic triumph. To my thinking, it seems each aspect is needed to help us in different times: the cross when we have pain or struggles, Glory when we are faced with the dangerous ordinariness of everyday.

cross:

loss, tragedy, brokenness

Glory:

praise, thanksgiving, celebration, everyday worship

cross:

strength when the chips are down,

toughing it through the tough times,

the power not to give up.

Glory:

the power to forge ahead on faith,

to have no regrets,

to believe in the path God has you on now.

cross:

reconciling pain

through the larger picture of grace

Glory:

reconciling the mundane

through the larger picture of grace

cross:

will serve me if I find back home she has not

left a note on my door...

Glory:

can serve me now, before I go home,

remembering God is with me

even if she isn't.